What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 04:24
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I could never make a relationship work though!
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Does having the wrong address on my car insurance invalidate my policy?
She married twice! .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
How can I handle my distrust and jealousy for my partner?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was very sick at this time too.
Which is the correct Tamil New Year, Thai-1 or Chithirai-1?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Who then, do I blame.?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
(And it was in our own minds.)
What is something you want to "get off your chest"?
I said to her
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do people procrastinate and how can they stop?
This is soul school!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What is your opinion on the band Nickelback? Why do they receive criticism from some people?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Can shaving hair by Veet in our vagina cause diseases?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What is some information about unprotected sex and pregnancy?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So, i spoilt her more .
We were not on the streets..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My family never makes their pension either.
I write beautiful poetry .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She loved him until the end.
Im still living with it.
I waited trembling.
She found it foreign!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i do to all so called friends.?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
All the time i was locked up.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was 9 years of age.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My life is so biszare .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What did i know ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So whats the point in blame.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I couldn’t, believe it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Would this be the day?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Comes on , in middle age.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She wouldn,t have been !
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why did i forgive my father ?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He knew the spot.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I think the readers, may guess!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I don,t even have a pension.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was scared of men, in general
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But, we were locked up after school.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was in good health!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But ive been too sick for many years..
I have no regrets .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ive learnt so much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We all went to grammer schools
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But it wasn’t much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,
One cannot live in the past .